Thursday, April 30, 2015

Bad Craziness in Alabamy

FREEZE, GRANNY!!!
`
Well now, isn't that precious!
`
We got guns!
Dey got guns!
All God's chill'en got guns!

The Marx Brothers
from Duck Soup (1933)

Oh I come from Alabama with an Uzi on my knee....

When I saw the headline on the Addicting Info website, I just knew it had to be a hoax of some kind - or at least that's what I thought it must be. "Oh, come now", I said out loud. "people just can't be that stupid - not even in Alabama!" I let the headline sink in, still not quite believing what I was seeing:

"NEW ALABAMA LAW WILL ALLOW CHILDREN TO HAVE HAND GUNS"

Sure enough, three state senators and four legislators  are co-sponsoring two different bills that would allow children to legally possess (with Mommy and Daddy's permission of course) potentially lethal, people-killing machines. As you've probably figured out by now, all seven of these "lawmakers" are Republican.

Here's another piece of information that should come as no surprise: The homicidal nincompoops at the National Rifle Association believe that armed-to-the-teeth kids is a perfectly wonderful idea. Ain't that a riot?

The writer of the article I'm referring to is named Jameson Parker. As he correctly points out, it's bad enough that one of the top ten accidental causes of death for minors in America is firearms. Count on it: This latest, idiotic proposal is not going to make those numbers go down. Kids die because they (or a friend) inadvertently stumble upon a weapon that an adult has not properly secured inside of their home. If this proposed law is passed, you can expect the rate of kiddie carnage to go through the roof in Alabama. 

Just what is it about the South?

Jeff Davis
April 2015 was (or should have been) a month of national reflection as we paused to take note of the 150th anniversary of the end of the American Civil War. The right wing of that mercifully bygone era, primarily located in the South, thought it a perfectly dandy idea that human beings be forced to work for no wages whatsoever. In order to perpetuate this economic Utopia of theirs, they went to war against their own government. The conclusion of a conflict that lasted four long years saw them forced back into the union. Perhaps we should rethink this. In recent years I've started to believe that Southern secession wasn't such a bad an idea after all - maybe not for Dixie but for the rest of the country. The complete and utter idiocy of that region has only kept the nation as a whole from advancing and realizing our fullest potential. This is something which needs to be seriously discussed on a national level.

This I can say without a molecule of uncertainty: Keeping dear old Dixie in the union was not worth the six-hundred and twenty-four thousand lives it cost to keep her here; it's not even close. Don't get me wrong, I still love Abe Lincoln, but jeez Louise!

I know it sounds like I'm being cruel. Disparaging the South is just about as bad as making fun of a severely retarded person - they're just so touchingly pathetic. I'm not trying to imply that most Southerners are dumb; I really do hope that that's not the case. The problem is the people who vote - or most of them anyway. The seven politicians who are sponsoring these guns-for-tots laws are all the proof you need to understand the intellectual limitations of your average voter in Alabama. My theory is that this is what should be expected when generations of folks marry their first cousins.

If these proposed bills become law way down yonder - and I have no reason to doubt that they will - Alabama will overnight become the most dangerous state in America in which to live. There's a dandy reason why children are barred by law from operating motor vehicles: They simply lack judgement. Who can be sure that some ten-year-old kid won't plug the mailman one fine, sunny day for "trespassing" on the family porch? Kids resolve conflict any way they can. Are we to expect an epidemic of child-on-child gun violence in the state of Alabama? Will that be the next norm in that moronic region of the country? You'd better believe it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there will be a miracle and intelligent people will prevail - assuming there are any down there. But the fact that a law arming children was even proposed to begin with should make the rest of us wonder.

You don't like your fourth grade teacher? She's a bit cranky and way too heavy on the homework? You know what to do, sonny. Time to take matters into your own hands. Problem solved! Now wasn't that easy?

My goodness, this is going to get interesting! If this mind-jarringly stupid law is passed I'll learn to contently live with it. Besides, I haven't been to Alabama in exactly thirty years (May of '85) and I don't plan on going back any time soon. As I've said before, the lower this country sinks into the sociological shit hole, the higher my stock rises. For satiric reasons alone, the horrific results of a state packed to the rafters with little kids walking around armed and dangerous should prove quite amusing. Murder and mayhem lead to many things; writer's block is not one of them. For my purposes, that nasty little scenario works out very well indeed. Thank you, Alabama.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY 

AFTERTHOUGHT:

I just found this posting on Craigslist:

"You southerners always have - by far - the highest rates of obesity, teen pregnancy, binge drinking, smoking, divorce, crime, pollution, and illiteracy. Your bad habits drive up healthcare costs for the rest of America. Of course, we up north have been supporting "y'all" since reconstruction, but all you send us in return is acid rain, guns, tobacco, and "family values" laws....and you hate us for helping you, just like you hate blacks, hate gays, hate Muslims, hate immigrants, hate anyone not exactly like you."

Sorry, but it needs to be said.

SUGGESTED READING:

Here is a link to the Jameson Parker piece from Addicting Info that inspired this little ditty of mine:

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/03/31/new-alabama-law-will-allow-children-to-have-handguns/

Please, Mr. Postman!
SUGGESTED LISTENING:
`
Bring on the Lucie (Freda Peeple)
by John Lennon
`
HEY THERE, KIDS!!! HERE'S ANOTHER CHART BUSTING, TOE-TAPPING BLAST FROM YOUR PAST FROM THE COOLEST, NIFTIEST, FUNNIEST, MOST CELEBRATED VICTIM OF GUN VIOLENCE IN THE HISTORY OF THIS WILD AND CRAZY COUNTRY OF OURS! HE'S GONE AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK!!! AIN'T THAT A SCREAM???
`
rock on, children.... 

20 Comments:

At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are Ferguson and Baltimore considered in the south?

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

Yes Boy Troll, Missouri at least is considered "The south", if no by geography, certainly by attitude.

Baltimore doesn't apply, since not even the rioters are using guns to get what they want. It was the BIGOTED cops that caused the current problems in both cities.

Once again you make yourself look like a complete and utter moron by missing the point.

Now, what say you about the states that are flushing the 1st amendment by banning the terms "Climate change" and "Global warming"?

What say you about the states that are flushing the 4th amendment by requiring welfare recipients (excluding CORPORATE welfare of course) to submit to drug tests?

Nah, you won't answer to those important issues will you?

What about the poorest and most welfare dependent counties being in the SOUTH?

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger Rain Trueax said...

What is the age limit or is there one? I got my first .22 at 12. Out where I live kids go hunting pretty young but they do have to take a hunter safety class in Oregon to get a license below legal age. I guess how I feel about this would depend on the age it went down to and what kind of gun.

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

Was your .22 a handgun? We went hunting young as well, but my Grandpa would not allow a loaded gun in the house, except for the pistol he kept in his bedroom. We all knew it was there, but the thought of going in and messing with it was so ridiculous we never considered. We were taught RESPECT for guns, unlike 99% of gun owners today.
My Grandpa was an old WWI drill Seargent and he would never THINK of carrying a gun around town, especially a military style rifle on his back into a place of business!

 
At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mozart, isn't that your mother calling you for dinner?

 
At 6:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Define "child"? Under Obama care your child is still a health insurance dependent till 26.

How many children will be murdered by late term abortion vs hand guns?

 
At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looking at Tom's post, it was lifted from a blog post 30 days old. Further Tom lifted the photo used from one of the blogs on a post of his on another site.
Further he didn't include this information.

The pending legislation (HB 328 and SB 262) would amend this provision law by carving out an exception for minors so that the prohibition “does not apply if the minor has the consent of his or her parent, guardian, or spouse who is 18 years of age or older to possess a pistol,” and as long as these conditions are satisfied:

(1) The minor is in the presence of his or her parent, guardian, or spouse who is 18 years of age or older, or in the presence of another person who is 18 years of age or older.

(2) The minor is on the premises owned or leased by the minor’s parent or other immediate family member, guardian, or on the premises with the consent of the lawful owner or possessor of the premises.

(3) The minor is in the presence of a licensed or accredited gun safety instructor.

(4) The pistol is being used for hunting, trapping, target shooting, competing in a firearm competition, or firearm or hunting training or instruction.

Tom, do you have a problem with a child under 18 getting an abortion without parental consent?

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

The Boy troll is once again advancing nonsense.

Besides, why worry about abortions now that children can handle handguns. It just means more "late term" abortions in the future, except doctors will not be involved.

 
At 8:27 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

Hey Boy Troll, still no word about your GOP heroes flushing the 1st and 4th amendments?

Just childish insults.

Go figure.

 
At 12:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mozart,

Go back to the corner for time out since you can't play nice.

 
At 1:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

it’s been legal for people to carry firearms on Colorado’s collage campuses for 12 years. They need to have a carry permit, and there are exceptions.

Still, the there have been no crimes committed by law abiding people carrying guns on collage campuses. There have been a number of incidents where women carrying guns dissuaded rapists from attacking them. In an article in the Washington Post, David Kopel notes that people lawfully carrying guns haven’t been slaughtering each other as well as others. Here are some of the details from his article:

For most of Colorado’s history, firearms were legal on public university campuses. That began to change in 1970, due to concerns about campus violence by terrorist organizations such as the Weather Underground.(A.K.A Radical liberal progressives)


In 12 years there has only been one incident involving someone carrying a gun.

There has been one case in which an employee at CU’s dental school was showing off her gun, and accidentally fired it. She was immediately and properly fired.

So guns in the hands of kids will result of a higher death toll that the legalization of late term abortions? The facts do not support that claim.

 
At 7:05 AM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

Go figure the Boy troll responds to a serious post with childish insults.

I guess he's embarrassed that his conservative heroes are flushing the 1st and 4th amendments, at the same time they pervert the 2nd.

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

Boy Troll, by "late term abortions" I meant living breathing children being killed by handguns.


You know, death in the 18th trimester....

 
At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mozart,
still in your PJ'S

 
At 10:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

tossed like a bag of laundry in front of the orphanage. no wonder you have issues.

 
At 1:09 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

Notice how instead of answering legitimate questions that would force him to admit to the traitorous acts of his conservative heroes, the Boy Troll resorts t childish insult?

I guess that says it all. he can't deny what I'm saying.

Republicans, controlled by the Kochs, are ignoring the constitution.

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

BTW "Anonymous" aren't YOU the alleged "orphan"?


Tom, I have that Harrison Solo album (as well as ATMP and "Somewhere in England" One of my favorite Beatle "solo"ongs is "Crackerbox Palace".

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Mozart1220 said...

BTW "Anonymous" aren't YOU the alleged "orphan"?


Tom, I have that Harrison Solo album (as well as ATMP and "Somewhere in England" One of my favorite Beatle "solo"ongs is "Crackerbox Palace".

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Off your meds again Mozart?

 
At 6:39 AM, Blogger Tom Degan said...

Read this editorial in the 5/2/15 NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/03/opinion/sunday/after-the-mayhem-politics-as-usual.html?smid=fb-share

Incredible.

 

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