When John E. Comes Marching Home

The two King Georges

One can only imagine the torment that John E. "Jeb" Bush feels deep down in the recesses of his soul. His father's reign as chief executive was not a term that historians will be drinking toasts to a century from now. The fact that he was defeated for reelection by an obscure governor - from Arkansas of all places - illustrates better than anything what a dud the poor old bastard was. But if dear old Dad was a blight on the legacy of the Bush dynasty, his dim-witted older brother's presidency pretty much sealed the family's place in history. Dubya is in serious competition with James Buchanan for the title of the most incompetent chief-executive in the annals of human mediocrity. Is it any wonder that Jeb should feel compelled to try and tidy-up the "brand" so to speak?

I'm of a mixed opinion regarding the possibility of a third member of that disgusting family entering the White House for the third time in less than thirty years. My biggest fear is this undeniable fact: recent history shows that whenever any of these assholes come anywhere near the Oval Office, a lot of innocent people with brown skin start to die. Look it up. When the Founding Fathers developed the office of the American presidency two-and-a-quarter centuries ago, they each had differing notions of what was required to lead a nation that they all agreed would be the world's beacon for freedom and democracy. It's a fairly safe bet that not one of them would have put a tendency toward extreme, sociopathic behavior on their list. I have no tangible evidence to back up this little theory of mine. Call it an educated guess.  

And then there are the working people of America. Going all the way back to Grandpa Prescott eighty years ago, this Klueless, Klutzy Klan have never had much of a soft spot for the poor and middle classes of this country. I don't think (as a lot of my fellow lefties believe) that race has a hell of a lot to do with it - if anything. The simple truth is that the Bushes only care about money - and people with lots 'n' lots of it. They have demonstrated this countless times for generations. They still believe, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, that the economy will be just fine 'n' dandy if America's tax burden is shouldered by the people who can least afford to do the shouldering. They still want us to believe  that if we only allow America's treasure to trickle down upon us, we will be led into the Candyland of our most twisted fantasies. Has that peculiar economic theory worked at all in thirty years? Well, yeah - but only of you understand that "trickle down" is merely a quaint little euphemism for getting pissed on. In that sense it has worked brilliantly. 

But I have my own, very sinister reasons for being interested in the specter of a third Bush uprising. True, my feelings in this regard are quite ambivalent; I love America and only want to see it prosper and thrive - and yet I can't help but come to terms with the sick reality that the possibility of Jeb Bush in the White House would be a boon to people like me who make their names commenting on the utter destruction of this nation's social and economic infrastructure. For those of us who blog, a third Bush White House would be the equivalent of a stocking loaded with candy canes - with every day being Christmas. 

Me 'n' Dubya, 10/27/08

I know what you're thinking - and I agree. It's beyond despicable to even fantasize about something as horrible as President Jeb Bush in order to live out one's demented, journalistic fantasies. For those eight, excruciating years that his brother was president, as awful a thing as that administration was to watch, it sure as hell was loads of fun to write about! In the final weeks of 2008, as his reign of terror and error was coming to a merciful end, I publicly fantasized that I would miss George W. Bush - and that's exactly what happened (in an odd and demented sort of way). Within months of his exit from that national spotlight I found myself pining for that warped syntax of his. Life was never again the same for me. This is not meant to imply that Barack Obama hasn't provided plenty of ammunition - he has. The main difference between the two men is that when the current president says something outrageously funny, that's usually his intent. 

If Jeb Bush ever does call the White House Home (and for the record I don't think that's EVER gonna happen) the incidents of unintentional humor won't be as overflowing as they were during his brother's two terms, but I know that he won't be boring - in the same appalling way that Dubya was never boring.  When crazy, unenlightened people wield the ultimate, lethal power, it has this funny way of keeping me on my toes, you know where I'm coming from?

Who knows what the hell will happen between now and Election Day 2016. It's going to be oodles of fun watching Jeb stomp around the country during the GOP primaries - with one foot on a banana peel and the other in his mouth - saying the kind of moronic things that appeal to "the base" of the Republican Party, and then watching him try to ease his way back toward the center during the general election - assuming he get's the nomination. Whatever the outcome, 2016 is going to be a scream. 

Such interesting times: I know not whether to giggle or weep.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY

SUGGESTED READING:

House of Bush - House of Saud
by Craig Unger

A riveting and disturbing chronicle of the Bush family's corrupt and destructive relationship with the Saudi royal family.