Monday, December 07, 2009

Jammin' with the Dickster

What a festival of laughs 2009 has proven to be - and to think that it's not even over yet! The rib-tickling, unintentional humor that has been provided to us in the last year courtesy of the extreme right has been more fun than the law should allow. It hasn't been the most fascinating political year - not by a long shot - but it has, without a doubt, been the most fun. There are so many contenders for the title, Jackass of the Year, it might in the end prove difficult, if not impossible, to categorize them. Which brings me to the topic of Dick Cheney.

Back in January, as the First Fool's reign of error was winding down, for a curious reason I may never be able to explain, I was feelin' kinda blue. Soon Dickie and Dubya and the entire Bush Mob would be out of my life - FOREVER! Say what you want to about that hideous duo, they made for great copy. What the hell was I going to do when they were gone? I would probably have to go out and get a real job. Oh, curse you, fate! Wicked, wicked fate!

As it turns out, there's been more material than ever to write about. The Clown Army is on the march and our old nemesis, Dastardly Dick Cheney, is leading the charge. Isn't life beautiful?
Forgive me, sweet, blessed fate.

Remember when Bush "chose" Cheney to be on the ticket nine, long years ago? In actuality, it was Cheney who chose Cheney. Poppy Bush charged his former Secretary of Defense with the mission of finding a suitable running mate for his half-witted kid. After a vigorous and detailed "search", Dick came back with the stats: As it turned out, he was the best person qualified to run with Junior as V.P. candidate. Almost three years ago I imagined the conversation that must have taken place:

The Dickster: GEORGE! I have found your ideal running mate!

Dubya: Great! Who is it, Dick?

The Dickster: You're not gonna believe it - IT'S ME!!!

Dubya: Whoa! What're the odds!

I have always believed that it was a perfect illustration of the utter stupidity of Bush and the people around him that they swallowed all of this without batting an eye. And do you remember the term that all of the talking heads and pundits were using to describe Cheney when Bush made this fateful decision? He had "gravitas", they chimed. Gravitas. The story keeps getting funnier with every passing moment of historical hindsight. Gravitas indeed.

EXTRA! DEGAN COMPLIMENTS BUSH!!!

Yeah, I never thought it would come to this either. But credit must be given where credit is due; and the fact is that the former president has behaved (on the surface at least) fairly admirably since he left office. For the most part, and unlike most of his former colleagues, he has avoided the temptation to be hysterical on the subject of the Obama White House. Then again, it must be conceded that when one has presided over the most failed and corrupt administration in the history of the republic, it usually is a good rule of thumb to keep your mouth shut. Cheney, on the other hand, is without shame. This is precisely what makes the man such a scream!

His most recent kvetch? Obama was "dithering" on Afghanistan. Dithering? Pray tell, do my ears deceive me? Barack Obama was "dithering" on whether or not to send an additional thirty-five thousand kids into harms way? He dithered???

Oh! Dastardly Dick! Oh! Vile, deceitful Dickie! If thou had thus dithered, might not thy fellow countrymen and women have awaken this morn to a more content and peaceable homeland? Oh, vile and blundering Dick! Naughty Dick! Thou contemptible rascal!

If you read my last piece, it's no secret that it is my profound belief that Obama is committing a monumental mistake by escalating the war in Afghanistan. But let's give the guy a tip of the hat, okay? At least he had the good sense to think long and hard about what he felt he needed to do - unlike the previous administration that dove head-first and smiling into this stupid, fucking quagmire. In spite of my criticism, I believe (I hope) that Barack Obama is essentially a decent guy who means well. As stated previously, it is way too early to give an etched-in-stone assessment of this administration. We need to see where Election Day 2012 finds us. We shall see what we shall see.

At the moment it would seem that Dick Cheney and his disgusting daughter Liz are Number One on the Shit Parade. The darling girl is now promoting a movement ( and, PUH-LEEZ, I hope this is true) that would make dear old dad the GOP nominee in 2012. This can't possibly be, can it? Optimist though I may be, my luck has never gotten this good! Could this merely be a dream from which I am yet to awake? Pinch me, please.

Is a Cheney Candidacy in 2012 really in the cards? Probably not. Given his precarious health, it's not very likely that he will even live to see the next election. But then again, nearly three years ago - on this very site - I wrote a piece called, "Richard B. Cheney 1941-2007" where I predicted that he would not even live to see the '08 election. I wasn't hoping for him to die (cross my heart, I wasn't!) it was simply that, given his history of heart attacks, I was just being realistic - or so I thought at the time.

But like the imaginary science fiction screenplay I've written about the man "The Thing That Wouldn't Go Away", he remains - tormenting the daylights out of us for as long as his precarious mortality will allow.

Wretched Richard!

What we have here is one of those mixed-blessing kind of moments. Dick Cheney won't be going away anytime soon, of that you may be certain. And as long as he remains at the extreme-right-of-center-stage of this extremely amusing review, I think I just might stick around for the show. It is the type of scenario destined to provide truckloads of joy for progressives all over the country: Cheney and Sarah Palin, ripping each other to bloody shreds in the primaries of 2012. Can you even imagine what fun that would be to watch?

This is why President Obama's utter timidity in dealing with the Republicans in Congress is so damned frustrating. He obviously spends a hell of a lot of time thinking about the next election - when it is plain to see that he has not a thing to worry about! The "party of Lincoln" is falling apart. Ronald Reagan is dead and he's not going to rise from the grave at midnight tonight to lead them back to the promise land. There is no golden boy/girl on the horizon who will be able to miraculously restore their national credibility between now and then. The GOP has been overtaken by a cabal of criminals and halfwits. With each passing day, this reality is becoming clearer and clearer to the American people. The Grand Old Party (for the time being at least) is over. Kaput.

I'm all for a Cheney candidacy in three years. If the man's health can hold out and given the direction that party seems hellbent on going, Dead Eye Dick is the right wing's made-to-order candidate. They can count on me - not only for a vigorous endorsement - but for a cash donation as well. And while we're at it, let's make things really interesting and throw Michele Bachmann into the mix!

And you thought 2008 was interesting? 2012 ought to be a hoot!

Tom Degan
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

AFTERTHOUGHT 12/11/09:

A few nights ago on Sean Hannity's moronic FOX Noise program, Cheney actually accused President Obama of giving "aid and comfort" to America's enemies and called his the most "radical" administration in American history. Medications please.

30 Comments:

At 1:42 AM, Anonymous Bruce Samet said...

Easy solution for everyone, Tom: Cheney/Palin in 2012. Ain't it obvious?

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Lesley said...

Yes, 2012 will be interesting for sure. You could pick any 2 Republicans at random and team them up for barrels of laughs. Cheney/Palin, Jindal/Bachman, Dobbs/Hannity ... stop, stop, my sides are hurting already.

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger charles moore said...

I have a feeling that as his presidency progressed, Dubya was almost glad that Cheney was there to pull strings behind the scenes. I am sure that Dubya had been persuaded that being president would be a piece of cake and all he would have to do would be to sit behind the desk a little bit, do nothing, then take off to Tex-Ass to chop brush or whatever the hell he did there. The man is so incredibly dense that you almost have to feel sorry for him. Notice, I said ALMOST.

As for Cheney who can guess what drives this man. The more pertinent question is why isn't he in prison for war crimes?

Lesley, you are so right - pick two, any two; it doesn't matter.

 
At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Paul M. said...

Sorry, Tom - While I would enjoy seeing Cheney-esque Repub.s get trashed at the polls in 1012 as much as you, I have serious qualms about letting this man anywhere near attaining the reins of power, ever again: who's to say he couldn't steal another one like he did in 2000? Voters in democracies tend to have pretty short memories...

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger Ellis D., Esq. said...

On the 29th anniversary of the assassination of John Lennon I ask...why is DICK Cheney still alive ?? More proof there is no God !! Or...is DICK " Satan " Cheney too evil for even God ??

 
At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Bruce Samet said...

Ah, Lesley, you have turned my mid-night flicker of dark humor into a concept that deserves a series on Comedy Central . . . or maybe SyFy. Jindal/Bachmann could never win, now that the country's had an opportunity to get its racial back up over Obama. But Bachmann/Jindall, now there's a ticket. Or . . . dare I even say it . . . for the Mother Of All Tickets: Palin/Bachmann In 2012! Geez! I think I'll start the movement myself! -- anybody want a bumper sticker? (To get serious for a minute, I pulled my very first voting lever for Hubert Humphrey in 1968, and it's been endlessly painful to me ever since to watch the accumulating damage done to this nation because that squeaker came out wrong. As for thinking about our current crop of so-called legislators, the pain I get is not in my sides. What's happened to us people, people? What, after all, can we do?)

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Ellis D., Esq. said...

What can the people do ?? Too bad we all can't LEAVE and start over somewhere else. A mass exodus out of Amerika would sure diminish the establishment's tax base !!

 
At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lets hope my dreams do come true and all liberal nazis leave this country.

Hope all is well Tom.

Harry from Mass

 
At 11:53 PM, Anonymous Bruce Samet said...

I always wish someone would respond to this sort of thing person-to-person once in a while (as opposed to Keith or Rachel making general comments), so let me take the opportunity (and NB, I won't answer anything further or get embroiled in any sort of badmouth back-and-forth).

To Anonymous Harry from Mass:

"Nazi" and "liberal" are contradictions in terms. This isn't Alice's Wonderland where words can mean anything you want, and you folks whose political discourse consists of calling names ought at least to learn what the names represent before you use them.

 
At 9:29 AM, Blogger Ellis D., Esq. said...

Harry from Mass......I WISH we could get away from ignorant, misguided, brainwashed people such as you !!! The problem is people like you have caused Amerikans to be so hated worldwide that there really isn't any place we would be accepted. Of course we are too ethical to steal the land of others the way your ancestors stole the Native American Indian's land with their Manifest Destiny mentality. So we have little choice but to sit back and watch you assholes destroy yourselves and everything else along with you !!

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Chris said...

Your blog is a hoot Tom!!!!

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

Thank you, Chris. We always try to look for the giggle. Better to laugh out loud than to weep with despair.

Tom

 
At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Stan said...

So true, but after 2004 -- I know, I'm a bit of a worry wort -- I fear a Sarah Palin or Dick Cheney might actually pull off the impossible and capitalize on the gloomy economy, and actually -- dare I say -- win.

With Fox News propaganda spinning 24/7 and a frightening number of Americans rambling on and on about the most outlandish Glenn Beck conspiracies, I've come to realize that anything is possible.

A Palin/Cheney ticket would very much resemble a Bush/Cheney ticket in so many ways...

-Stan
www.alterpolitics.com

 
At 6:16 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Sometimes you gotta laugh! Not much of that lately, right?........I loved your take on Cheney, et al, and just enjoyed your writing in general....I'll add you to my list, as I know my "people" will appreciate it....most are very good writer's in their own right, but an eclectic group for sure......they keep me happy!

 
At 12:53 AM, Blogger Oona =^..^= said...

Thank you for stopping by my LJ and leaving your comment about John. It is much appreciated. I made you one back. :)
Oona

http://kiss-of-rage.livejournal.com

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger Jack Jodell said...

The only way to REALLY silence the Cheneys would be to properly prosecute DICK along with Dubya, Rumsfeld, Yoo, Wolfowitz, and all the rest of that sorry gang for war crimes and crimes against humanity. Unfortunately (and unbelievably), Obama's own Justice Department is now trying to quash charges which have been brought up against Yoo, the little criminal who tried to "legalize" torture! So it looks like Cheney and his bitch of a daughter will just keep on spouting off until he hits the grave, and even then he'll probably find a way to broadcast far-right propaganda from his very gravesite! Grrrrr!!!!

 
At 12:22 AM, Blogger HappySurfer said...

Hi Tom, thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving such a beautiful comment about John Lennon. You've got a great blog here and with very insightful readers.

 
At 2:58 AM, Anonymous tattoo said...

wow is real............




http://tattoo-2012.blogspot.com/

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger SJ said...

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The GOP and its supporters don't mind endangering the nation by proffering unqualified candidates and as long as they make enough of the right people feel comfortable in their "look" and rhetoric, it doesn’t matter how dangerous they are.

Sarah Palin is no different than George W. Bush was in this regard: She’s just as inexperienced, unqualified, unfocused and philosophically corrupt. Look closely at either of them and there’s not more to them—there’s less.

Back in '99, I thought there was no way George W. Bush could ever get near anything other than an appointed position in Government after being Governor, especially not if he had to get past John McCain. I'd never have voted for McCain, but anyone looking at the situation squarely (without Karl Rove's smear campaign of "miscegenation" allegations influencing the feeble minded in southern districts) would have said: that goldbricking C student isn’t qualified to be President of a lodge... 8 years later I still don't know how that spoiled, inept, faux-folksy liar got to the highest seat of power with Nixon-era crooks like Rumsfeld and Cheney at his side.

It can happen again.
Do not underestimate our country’s love of the superficial and insistence on “feelings” over “facts.”
-SJ

 
At 5:34 PM, Blogger MadMike said...

I have to agree with SJ. I believe it can happen again. I also didn't think an empty suit like George Bush could possibly get elected in such a forward thinking country. Clearly I was wrong. I underestimated the number of Jesus Jumpers who would turn out in force to put this clown in the Oval Office. Yup! I'm afraid it could happen again.

 
At 11:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eliss you dumb ass...we don't care what the outsiders like you think. Canada or wherever the hell you are from epitomize the pussification of society. Liberal Nazis have this feign thought process who think that they provide something positive to society which you clearly don't.
Dick Cheaney is and always will be a great man. Unlike you and the shit head Hussein, he cares for his country.
When the only useful citizen in your country (Kanada) is Don Cherry then I guess you have the right to be a miserable prick EH...

Harry from Mass

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger The Quiet Rage said...

Yes, Dick is the turd that wont flush. He just keeps swirling around and around creating stench all the while....

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger VP81955 said...

As for Cheney who can guess what drives this man.

One word: HALLIBURTON!

As the Republicans increasingly fold themselves into the Dixie Taliban and the moderate northern GOP of Rockefeller and Ford dwindles into oblivion, it'll be fascinating to see where the party turns; certainly some of the zealots are wishing for Sarah Palin to take over, growing into a Godzilla-sized force within the party. (Figuratively, of course, unless Sarah inadvertently consumes some mutated moose meat.)

Seriously, this is a wonderful blog. If any of you are fans of classic Hollywood, I cordially invite you to visit my site, "Carole & Co." (named for my all-time favorite actress, Carole Lombard):

http://community.livejournal.com/carole_and_co

 
At 9:15 AM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

VP81955....

I have actually been to your site before and I highly recommend it to those of you who, like I, love classic Hollywood.

Sincerely,

Tom

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger Dorothy said...

Thanks for visiting our site and leaving a comment especially under duress...

You have quite a blog here it takes a little reading to get into you ideas which certainly can be frustrating when you realize how hopeless change really is...

Thanks again,
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com

 
At 10:59 PM, Blogger Elizabeth said...

Hilarious, Tom.

Yes, I too would support Cheney's candidacy in 2012, mainly because of his charming smile and personable demeanor. And, if I may dream some more, either Bachmann or Palin would go well with him for VP (though, I suspect, Palin would not like to play second fiddle for the second time).

More seriously(?), in a recent Newsweek editorial Jon Meacham advocates Cheney for the GOP presidential candidate in 2012, and apparently without irony:

Why? Because Cheney is a man of conviction, has a record on which he can be judged, and whatever the result, there could be no ambiguity about the will of the people. The best way to settle arguments is by having what we used to call full and frank exchanges about the issues, and then voting. A contest between Dick Cheney and Barack Obama would offer us a bracing referendum on competing visions.

Personally, I'm all for it. Quoting Dubya Bush,

Bring it on!

(Yikes! Hope those will not be my famous last words...)

 
At 12:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

please do your country one favor and leave. you have sucked the tit of America and have foundered yourselves. you are disgusting

 
At 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom, I like your blog.

Hope you like this, I think you might !

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At 10:41 PM, Blogger boyari2 said...

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