Friday, October 09, 2009

TERRORIST BOMBS MOON!


By the light of the silvery moon
I want to spoon to my honey
I'll croon love's tune
Honeymoon, keep a'shining in June
Your silvery beams will bring love's dreams
We'll be cuddling soon
By the silvery moon

THIS JUST IN: The moon - that nocturnal inspiration to poets and lovers for centuries - was suddenly and deliberately attacked two hours ago by the notorious Muslim terrorist, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, and his co-conspirators within THE GOVERNMENT.

A clear message has been sent by this radical jihadist to good and decent people everywhere. There is no room for misinterpretation: if they can target the moon - THE MOON! - in such a ghastly and unprovoked matter, it proves - conclusively - that Main Street is not safe. All of us are vulnerable to their insidious wickedness and villainy. Our children must be protected from the radical, hideous agenda of this man and his vile administration. Mark my words, my fellow Americans - today the moon, tomorrow Anytown, USA. OH, THE HUMANITY!

Where will it all end? What sinister plans does he have in store for Christendom? Don't say you weren't warned, America! Don't you dare say you weren't given ample notice of this Kenyan-born extremist's evil intentions for us. I can see it now: Death Panels! Communist Medicine! An abortion clinic in every public school! Generations of innocent American schoolchildren forced to memorize entire paragraphs of the autobiography of Malcolm X! I have seen the future, my friends. It is bleak. Very, very bleak.

Who did this to this grand and glorious land of ours, you may well ask? THE DEMOCRAT PARTY DID THIS TO US! Teddy Kennedy wasn't content to leave this earth without a final assault on the sensibilities of good Conservatives everywhere. He and Barack HUSSEIN Obama concocted the planned attack on our precious moon in a conspiracy so heinous it staggers rational belief. Almost at the moment this lunar holocaust was getting underway, it was announced in Oslo, Norway (OSLO, NORWAY!) that this illegitimate, Barbara Streisand-loving, french fry-eating, birth certificate-concealing Chicago politician had received the Nobel Peace Prize.

Coincidence? I wonder....

Let us stray till break of day
In love's valley of dreams
Just you and I, a summer sky
A heavenly breeze kissing the trees
So don't let me wait
Come to me tenderly in the June night
I stand and I wait
For the touch of your hand in the moonlight
I bring you and I sing you
A moonlight serenade

The moon - that brilliant, seemingly-eternal beam of heavenly solace; that wondrous and mystical asteroid, the light from which has illuminated the nighttime voyages of travelers for untold millennium - has fallen victim to the agenda of Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his compatriots in the far Left Wing. This group will only be happy when they have destroyed all that is kind and gentle about the nation we love so dearly; the nation that an entire generation of Confederate soldiers laid down their lives for. No one is safe from their dastardly intentions - not you; not I; not our children; not their cute little pets with names like "Fluffy" and "Rascal" - no one, I say.

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the Republican party. We must seize our nation from the grasp of these naughty evil-doers. The mid-term elections are only thirteen months away. These nasty, cretinous mongers of Liberalism must be defeated in November of 2010 - at all and any costs. One-hundred years from today, our great-grandchildren - who will never even know our names - will get down on their knees and thank Heaven above that we who live in these perilous times acted boldly and decisively against the humanistic onslaught of Liberalism. We owe it to them, my fellow countrymen. At the very least we owe that to them.

You're all dressed up to go dreaming
Now don't tell me I'm wrong
What a night to go dreaming!
Mind if I tag along?
If I say I love you
I want you to know
It's not just because there's moonlight although
Moonlight becomes you so....

The Moon - that celestial wonder that has touched the heart of humanity since the dawn of time; that timeless beacon in the night, forever stirring the artist and vagabond alike; that gentle light in the darkness that guides us home from our endless journeys - has been violated. VIOLATED, I TELL YOU! We must see to it for the sake of generations unborn that Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his ruthless cabal of nattering, negative nabobs are punished - beyond the limits of the law - for their crimes against Americanism, motherhood and apple pie. There is nothing these heathen haters-of-America will stop at in order to bring us to our knees before the alter of their Socialist cathedral. Heed my warning, fellow citizens. You ignore me at your own mortal peril.

So I stood with a knot in my stomach
And I gazed at that terrible sight
Of two youngsters concealed in a barrel
Drinking Monkberry Moon Delight

But seriously, folks....

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

SUGGESTED READING:

Goodnight Moon
by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd

AFTERTHOUGHT:

Happy birthday in Heaven to John Lennon who would have turned sixty-nine-years-old today. Imagine.

AFTERTHOUGHT 10/13/09:

And to the late, great Lenny Bruce, who would have turned eighty-four today. YADDAH! YADDAH! YADDAH, WARDEN!

34 Comments:

At 9:56 AM, Blogger Rip said...

A great still from Georges Méliès': La Voyage dans
la Lune!
So, the moon was attacked in 1902 too!
But, for perpetual war in Afghanistan Obama gets
the Nobel Peace Prize? I'm confused. Rip Tragle

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Haha! Unfortunately, I've been noticing lately that there is a small segment of the population (AKA extreme rightwingers) who seem to be missing the sarcasm gene. These people don't "get it." They believe that Stephen Colbert really is a conservative. They think the Uncyclopedia is real. I wouldn't be surprised to see this entry show up on some extremist site, with the author saying, "SEE?! I was right!"

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Laneman said...

I believe that this cartoon is very appropriate:

Psycho Killer Moon!

Enjoy!

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

What a hoot! I haven't laughed so hard since Obama was elected president! O'Henry would be proud.

Beth is probably right, anonymous will not get the sarcasm and will think he has convinced you that evil exists in the White House.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Germanicus said...

I just wanted to add...

Buffalo gal won't you come out tonight,
Won't you come out tonight,
Won't you come out tonight.
Buffalo gal won't you come out tonight,
And dance by the light of the mooooon...

(signed)
George and Mary Bailey
Frank Capra
And lots of other fellow travellers

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger Ellis D., Esq. said...

It is nice to see that our government found yet another way to waste taxpayer dollars. At least it makes for good satire. Tom.....give me a call and I'll talk you down from your flashback !!

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger Kevin Swanwick said...

So on mark! Thinking in the dark reaches and adding humour. Will they get the jokes?

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Joe Ruby Oswald said...

Hilarious.

 
At 5:13 PM, Blogger Wildernesschic said...

Believe it or not I have not heard the news today until this evening .. I read your post an hour ago and just thought crazy American what the hell is he on about :)
Yes I am known as satellite wife. As I am usually a couple of sentences behind, although never quite this slow But listening to the 10 o'clock news GMT it all makes sense. I couldn't quite believe my ears. I love one Washington guys opinion, when asked what he thought. He said they must have given it to him just because he wasn't George Bush .. and could someone now explain to a satellite wife why we are firing missiles at the lovely moon??

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger Phil said...

Great satire, Tom. Still, NASA should probably be thankful that the moon didn't shatter into a thousand pieces; imagine trying to explain that to the lunatic right.

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Outstanding job. That is about what the talking head sound like.

 
At 8:11 PM, Blogger lkagy said...

Tom, have you entered The Washington Post's pundit contest yet? You're a natural. Keep the satire coming.

 
At 12:56 AM, Blogger Lisa Allender said...

Hi there. Thank you for visiting my blog, Lisa Allender Writes: Poetry, Politics, Peace.
You rock, man!

 
At 1:32 AM, Blogger Dearest Friend said...

Looks like a litte brother to the sun
or mother to the stars at night, and here it is and here it comes! Here comes the moon,
the moon,
the moon.
Oh yeah..."

(Thanks for some of the greatest lyrics ever...Bing and Glenn!)

If I say I love you
I want you to know
it's not just because there's moonlight...
although...
moonlight becomes you so.

(It looks like there's more to explore up there on that beautiful little orb that takes one's breath away whenever it shows up.)

The moon on the breast
of the new falling snow
gave a luster of midday
to objects below...

(And then there's that old Andy Williams hit...most beautifully song by Audrey in Breakfast Tiffany's)

Moon rive wider then a mile...

(As usual, I can go to sleep with a smile after reading today's bit of humor - you have a gift, my dear...you really do!)

So now I'll say..."Goodnight Moon!"

 
At 6:15 AM, Blogger Jefferson's Guardian said...

Happy belated, John. Would love to have heard your thoughts about all of this. Can't imagine you wouldn't have had a piece written by now about the 'baggers. Have you thought about coming back? If you do, show us a sign...

RIP...

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Dearest Friend said...

Speaking of John and moonlight...Tom, how could you possibly forget...

Mister Moonlight!

(I know - most Beatles fans try TO FORGET Mr. Moonlight.)

Cold-hearted orb
that rules the night
removes the colors
from our sight
red is grey
and yellow white
but we decide which is right
and which is an illusion...

(I got a million of 'em, folks, a million of 'em!)

There's got to be more...what's old Willie Shakespeare say about our beautiful evening friend?

Mary

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

Dear Mary,

I've never been able to understand why Mr. Moonlight is everybody's least favorite Beatles recording. I've always thought it to be a lovely little tune! When they were recorded at the Star Club in Hamburg, Germany in 1962, John Lennon sang it this way:

Mr. Moonlight, come again please
Here I am on my nose
Begging if you please

The man was a hoot!

Love,

Tom Degan

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger Dearest Friend said...

Hey, I always thought it was great! I said "most" Beatles fans...I wasn't sure if you were among the few of us tha actually love it! It's wonerful to know you are.

By the way - to get back to moon exploration, I found a great quote from astronaut Alan Bean:

"But I'm the only one who can paint the moon, because I'm the only one who knows whether that's right or not."

Alan besides being one of the elite group of men who actually landed on the moon is also a respected artist!

And finally, I'll leave you all with this line in honor of John Lennon's 69th birthday.

"Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."

Mary

 
At 9:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uncle Tom,
I was immensely proud to recognize two out of three of those song quotes. Pretty respectable, i think, for a present day teen. Monkberry moon delight and moonlight serenade are two of my favorites!!! BTW, I'm listening to your cd, "The Hits 1973-1974" right now and it's so fabulous, thank you!!! On the theme of moon lovin music, can we add "Moondance?"

Love,
Katie

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger Dearest Friend said...

Katie, I thought of Moondance before this...and suprisingly, no one mentioned "Blue Moon" which is has been recorded so many different ways in so many different styles it's up there with "Yesterday" and "Stardust" as most recorded song ever! You may be a little young to know about "Moonlight Bay" too!

Mary

"We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy but because it is hard." - John F. Kennedy

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

Hey there, Katie!

Hope you're having a grand time at college, my love! And I am glad you like the 1973-1977 CD.

Dearest Mary friend....

Were you aware that Bob Dylan also recorded Blue Moon? He did a fine job of it, too. Although it was off his very worst album (Self Portrait, 1969). He said in his memoirs that he purposely set out to recorded a terrible record. He succeeded. But even that mess of an LP has its gems.

All the best,

Uncle Tom

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Dearest Friend said...

The true legends of rock are always suprising us with gems on their albums that would make our parents or even our grandparents smile!

Speaking of moon exploration, I read today that a moon crater has been named in John Lennon's honor on his birthday.

Also, there are some excellent films and mini-series about getting to the moon, the race for the moon and so forth. Tom Hanks is a huge fan of space exploration and produced the one for HBO. (God help me, I can't think of the name of it right now - ah, age.) Of course, there's "The Right Stuff" which is one of my favorite films. I always love it when Alan Shepherd played so wonderfully by Scott Glenn sternly but smilingly tells his wife Louise after being ignored by people because he ISN'T John Glenn, "I'm going to the moon, Louise, I swear to you, I'm going to the moon!" And so he did...

Let's sway...
under the moonlight,
the serious moonlight

And let's not forget the all-important version of how it got there we learned as children:

And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

The "lesser light to rule the night" has a great ring to it! Still...no one ever had a moon burn!

Sorry, I'm a night owl who just lives for the moonlight and wish she could actually tell where the little American flag is up there from here.

Mary

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger Tamara said...

No matter how they or you try to justify it, there was no need to bomb the freaking moon!

Stupidity won the week!

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger CoolBreeze said...

Get a life, you idle moron!

 
At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom, another fantastic post!

This so called extreme right winger gets it....

Harry from Mass

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

While there are some people in its history who have received the Nobel Peace Prize that deserved it a hell-of-a-lot less than Barack Obama (Henry Kissinger and Yassar Arafat come instantly to mind), I don’t think the good folks in Olslo did the president any favors by presenting the Nobel to him so early in his presidency.

Woodrow Wilson received his in 1919 only after his work for the League of Nations (at considerable cost to his own physical health).

Theodore Roosevelt obtained his prize in 1906 after negotiating an end to the war between Japan and Russia.

Jimmy Carter got his (post-presidency)after bringing Egypt and Israel together – no small feat!

All due respect to the president – after all, he never solicited this award and it was as much of a surprise to him as it was to everybody else – but what the hell has HE done for peace lately?

Am I missing something?

http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY

 
At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

exactly what people with common sense have been asking since friday, let aside the fact that i dislike this guy, but what the hell did he do for the nobel prize? what a joke; regarding mr degan seeing the future, trust me, sir, i saw it in my past, came from cuba already at the age of 26 and could tell from the moment obama was running for presidency he is a far fetched socialist, i do not want to go much into everything else 'cos obviously, not liking him as much as i do, i might be biased but, yes, mr degan, you're 100% right, he is a socialist -to say the least- trying to control us all, did anyone miss hitler, castro, chavez, ho chi min, etc etc?

 
At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Man is now able to soar into outer space and reach up to the moon; but he is not moral enough to live at peace with his neighbor!”
Sri Sathya Sai Baba quotes

i thought you'd like this one, mr degan :-) or should i use :-( in the unfortunate present times

 
At 4:23 AM, Blogger Jefferson's Guardian said...

Anonymous, I have to respectfully disagree with you. Mr. Obama's not a socialist. He's a corporatist; cast in the image of several presidents preceding him. To think otherwise is foolhardy and a thousand times more dangerous.

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

"yes, mr degan, you're 100% right, he is a socialist"

I was being satirical. My biggest complaint about the president is how boringly moderate he is. Franklin Delano Roosevelt he ain't.

Tom

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Dr Jenn said...

wow....ty... ty....ty.... i needed 2 read this today.

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

LOL! My first stop at your blog. Pretty funny, but the best part was your required reading.

 
At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom,

If I give you my birthdate...will you still celebrate my birthday when I am long gone??????? Can I count on you ?????????

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

I'll celebrate it even after I'm long gone!

All the best,

Tom

 

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