Saturday, January 09, 2010

The Thing that Wouldn't Go Away


There was a time when a vice-president's term of office would end and he would slip away into quiet retirement. Those days are long gone. Other than the thoroughly disgraced Spiro T. Agnew, the last former V.P. to go gently into that good night of quiet obscurity was Harry Truman's number two man, Alben Barkley. Truth be told, Barkley wasn't very visible even during the four years he served as Veep. I have read more than one full scale biography of Truman where he is not even mentioned in the index. This only proves the profane observation of John Nance Garner, Franklin Roosevelt's first vice-president, that the office "isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss."

That was then, this is now. Old vice-presidents may die but they seldom fade away. Hubert Humphrey stayed in the media limelight until the day of his death in 1977; Walter Mondale won't be going anywhere any time soon; Al Gore, you may be certain, is here to stay - and even poor old Danny Quayle rears his empty little head every now and then.

So it really was pure naivete on my part to even think that, after spending eight long years destroying this country, Dick Cheney would be kind enough to go away. What the heck was I thinking? Not only does he still have his feet placed firmly and immovably on the national stage, we now have to endure the presence of his lovely daughter, Liz.

First of all, let me explain to you my theory as to why Cheney has been spending every waking hour of the last year trying to frighten his fellow Americans into believing that President Obama has left them in a dangerous position, vulnerable to terrorists: Cheney is guilty of enough felonies to send him away to federal prison for the next millennium. He must know that the shit storm of indictments are bound to come raining down sooner or later. When that day arrives, his plan, I am sure, is to scream "POLITICAL PERSECUTION!!!" as loud as can be heard. The Bush Mob know a thing or two about political persecution. Just ask the former Democratic Governor of Alabama, Don Siegelman, who was sent to federal prison by the Bush Justice Department without having committed any crime.

Because of his security clearance Cheney more-than-likely has access to intelligence which makes clear that another terror attack on the United States is all but certain. What is happening is that he is positioning himself to be able to smirk, "See? I told you so!" That is the strategy of Dick and Liz (Cheney/Cheney - not Burton/Taylor). It would just be like this wretched bastard and his charming daughter to exploit this very sensitive issue for pure and crass political purposes.

A tip of the hat to the man. Let's face some nasty facts here: You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to be in serious competition with J. Edgar Hoover for the title of "Most Despicable Human Being in American History". Although Hoover was on the national scene for a lot longer than the Dickster, it won't be much of a shock if Cheney ends up taking home the gold. Think about it! Edgar did some serious damage to his country throughout his life - no argument there - but he certainly was not culpable in the deaths of as many as a million innocent men, women and little children during his weird tenure. In this dubious respect, our man Dick is utterly without peer. What a guy!

"Gravitas".

Remember that? That was the word that the members of the elite Washington media establishment were using ten years ago when Cheney chose himself to be George W. Bush's running mate.

"Gravitas".

With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight it sure does seem a strange description for the man to say the least. Given all that we now know about him it's almost surreal to think that that once upon a time he could have been seen as a political asset to anything but the American Nazi Party. Fortunately for humanity, people as undeniably evil as Dick Cheney only come around once in a lifetime. Other than Hoover the only other Americans I can think of who even come close to Cheney in terms of pure villainy are Joe McCarthy and Dick Nixon. But even Nixon is able to take credit for some positive accomplishments during his time on this earth (and give me a day or two and I might be able to site one). Cheney's, however, will be remembered as a completely negative legacy.

"Gravitas".

It sure is lots of fun these days to watch Dick and his irresistible daughter Liz pounding the shit out of the TV talk show circuit! So desperate are they to see the utter failure of the Obama administration, there seems to be no depth to which they won't sink. I know they are hoping for another attack that gets a thousand or more innocents killed. I know they are praying that the economy collapses and that millions more lose their jobs. I am as sure of this as I am my own name. Their very survival depends on seeing as many Americans as possible suffer. That's the kind of people they are! Seriously, do you think that Dick Cheney gives a hoot in hell about any human lives other than those of his and his enchanting daughter Liz? As Al Smith liked to say in his day, "Let's look at the record."

In the meantime, there is now serious chatter out there about Dick Cheney actually making a political comeback. Some poor jackass even recently suggested that Cheney/Palin would be the ideal Republican ticket three years from now. Honestly, how mentally deranged would a human being have to be to come up with that combo? I can just see the campaign posters:

SICKIE DICK AND FASCIST BARBIE IN '12

Oh, please, fate! That would be a dream come true! Not even the American people would be silly enough to go down that road. Could it actually happen? Alas, probably not - my luck has never gotten that good and probably never will. But what a treat it would be, huh? I could get an endless supply of material out of a campaign that weird to keep me quite busy you may be sure.

And what if they won? While it would be a disaster for my fellow countrymen and women, for someone like me whose vocation is mining the streams for these choice nuggets of unintentional political humor, that would be like winning the fucking lottery, are you kidding me???

BUT WAIT! IT GETS BETTER!
Two years into his term, President Cheney drops dead from a massive stroke while shooting ducks that have been strategically placed in the White House swimming pool by the Secret Service. In less than an hour SARAH PALIN IS SWORN IN AS THE FORTY-SIXTH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! By this time I am beside myself with disbelief at my good fortune! "I'll never have to touch a computer keyboard again as long as I live!", I am telling everyone within earshot, "These things will just write themselves!"

[PROLONGED SIGH]

But of course this is merely a wishful daydream on my part. As the heroine of the long-forgotten Broadway production "Sky Scraper" once musically asked:

Why in the world would anyone look askance
At an occasional fight of fancy?

Back to the real world....

I will continue to watch in awe as Dick Cheney and his magically appealing daughter Liz continue to stumble around the country in a caffeine-addled, right wing frenzy. My political fantasies aside, there is still much entertainment value to be derived from the two Cheneys. Gravitas indeed.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

SUGGESTED VIEWING:

Julie and Julia:
Meryl Streep plays Julia Child. Such a sweet film. I loved it!

30 Comments:

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Beth said...

The guy is like a foot fungus that just won't clear up.

 
At 1:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom,

Just read Charles Blows comment and your post 106. Tom Degan Goshen, NY January 9th, 2010 11:09 am

Get it out of your system, this is good for your health.

The Democratic Party's best so far was Barry's campaign. He fooled a lot of people in the middle and speaks better than even "Slick Willie" Clinton.

I think your rage in the comment against the GOP is really because the Democratic Party has imploded in just one year and the leaders have shown no leadership. Their leaders are buffoons. They had the ball and dropped it. The ball has rolled away and they won't have it again for a long, long time.

The blue states of New York and California have MASSIVE budget problems due to the Utopian dreamers running their state government budgets into the ground. Hopefully this disease will not spread to the more fiscally responsible red states.

- Archie Bunker NYC

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger finefroghair said...

is he smart
is he brainy
this stupid dick
this man named Cheney

how he blathers
how he spews
how he obfuscates
on the evening news

is that a sneer
is that a smirk
is he for real
this awesome jerk

he seems composed
he seems together
he seems relaxed
regardless the weather

the man has balls
he sure has style
what would you expect
from a damn reptile

and that's the problem
don't you see
he cares not for us
or our posterity

his reptilian brain
just keeps attacking
he has no qualms
a conscience it's lacking

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Raymond Bally said...

Tom,

Started reading HUBRIS. It is painful!
Great work keep it up.

Ray

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger charles moore said...

Tom, I think you are right on the money about Cheney. A part of his cold, calculating and heartless condition is scared shitless that he will be found out and held responsible for the traitor that he is. He swaggered through the Bush years with the arrogance of Hitler and his minions when they believed they were creating a Reich that would last for hundreds of years.

Bush, Cheney and the rest drank Rove's kool-aid and believed that they were building a party that would remain in power for generations and therefore would never have to be held accountable for anything.

As for Liz, what can one say? Have you ever noticed that in profile she has a nose like Pinocchio?

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger SJ said...

@Tom D,
Exactly my friend.
One of the many things the Obama administration did early on, (That we've all forgotten already because we're so up Barack's ass about every goddamn epic problem he hasn't solved yet in like just one year's time) within months of taking office was make many Bush Administration memos, -not all by any means-, but many public without consulting Cheney or Bush.

This is just Dick Cheney trying to lay some ground work for covering his ass later.
It won't work.
Those of us who cannot abide the Bush administration's criminality have very long memories.
Every time Cheney opens his mouth on a Sunday, I email Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand and ask them why that crooked old punk isn't in jail yet.
Congressman Waxman subpoenaed Cheney over a year ago, and he just ignored it, we haven't forgotten that either, or the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame.
If Cheney was smart, he'd shut the fuck up and go to some ranch somewhere and hide or shoot one of his old friends in the face again.
-SJ

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger Mycue23 said...

Tom,
I think Cheney should lose his right to speak about anything ever again just because of the fact that he has unleashed his annoying daughter on an unsuspecting world. I long for the day when he finally decides to shut the hell up.

 
At 6:28 PM, Blogger Mark Prime said...

It's funny but the pair of them seem to have the same fungi of the mouth.

 
At 9:01 PM, Blogger Lesley said...

The man has no shame. Even Dubya had the good sense to slink off into the sunset and keep his mouth shut.

 
At 9:53 PM, Blogger swordfish1543 said...

My recommendation?
Routinely refer to him as "former Wyoming Congressman Cheney".

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger Flying Junior said...

Here's a nice thing Richard Nixon did that confounded his succesors no end. The Endangered Species Act. What could he possibly have been thinking in his hippie-loving, idealistic naivete? For one thing, Tricky Dick was motivated by a love for country rather than the mean-spirited, blind greed and ambition that characterizes the republican party today. He also didn't hate his fellow citizens. Now Kissinger, that son-of-a-bitch still holds a grudge.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger Leslie Parsley said...

MyCue: I agree with you but I doubt that that evil, cruel, devious man will ever put a lid on it.

Great post, Tom. In your list of former VPs there are one or two who haven't the brains to run a bird backwards, but I don't think any of them were as diabolical as this modern-day Himmler.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger P M Prescott said...

Bitter old men don't shut up until they shovel the dirt on top of them, and they never let go of power. Dictators stay on for life, Cheney is just dictator lite.

 
At 11:06 PM, Blogger Chris said...

You hit the nail on every head!!!!

Loved that someone else commented on Cheney's sneering and smirking...my husband can attest to my screeches and epitaphs!!!!

He is a desperate man....he's the only one defending the faults of his administration, because he knows he was the perpetrator of the deceit, and Bush was the goofy front guy!

Good post as always, Tom!!!

 
At 11:10 PM, Blogger Chris said...

........and why does he get to just keep going like the energizer bunny, when there are so many other wonderful people out there fighting for their lives and have so much more to offer the world?????????? One of life's dilemmas for sure..........

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger Lydia said...

Referring only to your suggested viewing this particular comment: My cousin's son has a bit part in Julie and Julia, but it was at least a scene with Meryl Streep. He is one of the executives in the meeting when they are deciding whether to publish or not. Balding, I think with a mustache for that role. His part went by so quickly that I must rent the DVD to see him again.
His most recent role was great, an angry witness in "The Good Wife" - which I think is the best show on the tube. Here is Kelly AuCoin's bio.

(I loathe Cheney, and I love the poem by commenter finefroghair :)

 
At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Won't be long before Fascist Barbie has The Big Dick across a table at Faux.

I, for one, won't be watching. These criminals will never go away until people stop talking about them.

Thank you.

 
At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Freya said...

You really nailed it this time Tom.
Cheney will not be ingnored and will never go away. I just wish he and his ilk would lose their ability to talk and write.

Also, I would like to add that Rove and Rumsfield (to name a few) are also evil incarnate.

You mention that Dubya at least had the sense to go quietly into the night (so to speak)...I think that's atributed more to the fact that he doesn't have his henchmen around him propping him up anymore; not because he is displaying any form of intelligence and common sense. He's never needed those attributes before, why should he start now? I'm just sayin'...

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

Lydia,

Thank you for the link to your cousin's bio. I saw the film again last night and made a point of spotting him.

Freya,

You're probably right. Why expect Dubya to do anything out of decency?

Cheerio!

Tom Degan

 
At 11:40 PM, OpenID rutherfordl said...

One historical correction Tom. In our early days, the first VP's did resurface ... Adams, Jefferson and VanBuren come to mind. If we restrict ourselves to the "modern age", I'm with you 100%.

As for Cheney, I live for the day he is indicted for war crimes. I just haven't decided which would please me more, life in prison or execution. I'd also like to indict Liz ... just for being Liz. :-)

 
At 4:10 AM, Blogger Lydia said...

That's great, Tom, that you saw Kelly in the film. We still haven't rented it to see him again.
When I watched Meryl Streep pick up her Golden Globe award last night as best actress in J&J I was so happy she won. Great film. :)

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Amolibri said...

Tom...
At least "anonymous" knows who he IS!!!!!!!!! LOL! (how'd he get here? I wonder...Mmmmm)

 
At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Morgana Silverseale said...

Not only did it not go away, IT BRED. Horrors.

 
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a jerkoff. Get a real asswipe.

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

"You are a jerkoff. Get a real asswipe."

Thank you so much for that original and unique contribution to America's political discourse.

I am blessed to have such an articulate and profound observation posted right here on my little blog. You humble me.

Sincerely,

Tom Degan

PS - I did a little research for you: "Jerkoff" and "asswipe" are, in fact, two separate words.

EXAMPLE: "Jerk off"

"Ass wipe"

Just thought you might want to take note.

Cheerio!

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Liberal moron.

Senator Joe McCarthy was mostly correct when tracking communists. Many on his list were PROVEN to be communists.

I hope this jerk has a job and does not depend on some sort of "entitlement" to eat. This guy is entitled to nothing except the PURSUIT of hapiness.

 
At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol if i was the anon that knew I am sorry. I just wanted to compliment Tom on the great piece he wrote to the Mark mardel post. shouldn't have obviously.
but it does relate to the right wing mob. that is why I had so many names.
trying to say stuff like tom says(though not so well writen) daring o suggest that palin was inciting racism.

There are several over there where tom wrote that seem to personify Cheny and Palin.
Palinolithic thinkers.
They used the term" the one" in reference to Obama before most even decided to vote for him. they have framed every debate about this nation in flags that cannot be looked at sideways without fear of being called unpatriotic un america and being told to go home.
they have derided the likes of me who live abroad most of our lives when we disagree with anything that seems a tad facist as "unamerican".
funny. they have turned the BBC blog site into a joke full of rabid right wing propagandists.

all of this is of course immaterial to the growing poisonous spread of the message from the right.
all based on lies told enough and left encountered. That is what your Cheney does, it is what Palin does. as one comment above says. the best way is to stop giving them air time.
In the UK it is illegal to slander and lie yet the BBC allows these lies on every day.And they are getting stronger.
sure YOU and I may wish they were not.
but they are getting into the media where sensible politicians can't give an interview.
Sorry if you all think I am mad but read the blog.
Tom you do.
Have you not noticed the effect of the group called legion.
PS signed it cause it was annonmouse And I spell like a cat because I am;)
Cane toad killer

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger Skip Bob Bin Laden said...

There's nothing good to say about them. I've hunted a few in my times. I've killed a few but have spent more time researching their progress and their spread. I have yet to design a protective glove that allows us to paw these creatures without suffering the toxic effects of their skin.

They are a dangerous and invasive species, Bufo Moronous. They try to eat everything that they can get their mouths around, and they have big mouths. They seem to really detest other frogs, so they eat them to prevent competition.They have been known to eat kittens - cute kittens! I mean, that is horrible. Anything that is not aggressive enough gets munched. For brunch. They are a poisonous creature that exudes a slimy toxin that harms the cognitive abilities of those who handle them and forget to wash their hands. Extreme caution should be used when handling them. The toxin's effects also include delusions and hallucinations. Some drug addicts have been known to lick the skin of Bufo Moronous, though this is not recommended and should it happen inadvertently please do seek the Doctor called U for help and medical assistance (if you can find him).

Their spread is being tracked from their home lands in the Southern United States as global temperatures rise , up as far as New York on the east coast and Oregon and California in the west. Efforts have been made to rid some areas of the toads but funding is limited and it is a low priority for most so they spread unchecked . They seem very adaptable and are resilient to predation because of the toxic coating to their skins. Animals that take a bite end up dying, their throats swollen and restricted.

Being from Down Under, I have some experience with these vile creatures; they are not falsely maligned, they are toxic and they should be taken seriously as they kill the local fauna . Recently they have been seen migrating in fruit boxes to Europe. Testing has confirmed they are the same subspecies found in the USA. All precautions should be taken - your land is at stake.

Thank you for your time
Skippy the Cane Toad Killer

Volunteers accepted

 
At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny that you commented about the Riverfront Times article on Dana Loesch being "impartial" as if you knew that that meant. Then in the same comment you accused the tea partiers with blanket "stupidity". What makes a tea party member "stupid"? Because they are not liberal? Really? Because liberals are so incredible smart--yeah. Show us the brilliance of Obama! Please...can't wait to hear this.... Oh I just can't wait. What a great job those brilliant Dems are doing on fixing all that the Democrat leadership ruined that last few years in the financial industry. Oh sorry, it's all Bush's fault even though the Dems were in charge of it. Nice line...does that still work on the planet you are from because I'm pretty sure it's been used and used and used up on earth.

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Greg said...

I'd never seen Evil with a capital "E" in human form, until I saw the face of Dick Cheney. That guy is like Elmer Fudd, Lex Luthor, Mr. Burns and Newman all crammed onto one skeleton.

 

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