Palin For President
Question: "How did you become king, then?"
King Arthur: The lady of the lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king."
Michael Palin: "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses - not from some farcical equatic ceremony! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
from the film
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
A few days ago, in his excellent column in the New York Times, Bob Herbert, commenting on the positively weird performance Sarah Palin gave in her interview with CBS's Katie Couric, made what I thought to be a very astute observation (as Mr. Herbert has an uncanny tendency of doing). Said he:
"It was surreal, the kind of performance that would generate a hearty laugh if it were part of a Monty Python sketch. But this is real life, and the stakes couldn't be higher. As Ms. Palin was fumbling her way through the Couric interview, the largest bank failure in the history of the United States, the collapse of Washington Mutual, was occurring."
That's when it hit me. MONTY PYTHON??? The Republicans have nominated the wrong freaking Palin! I refer, of course, to Michael Palin, a member of the legendary British comedy group. Although a British subject (a tricky little problem which could be corrected by a simple Constitutional amendment) he is someone whom I know we can all count on to stand up for what's good and decent in this grand and glorious land of ours. My friends, of this you may be absolutely certain: Michael Palin will not only talk the silly talk, he will walk the silly walk.
That's it! As soon as I am finished writing this, I am heading down town to the Orange County Board of Elections to re-register as a proud member of the Silly Party.
Governor Palin has spent every day since she secured the nomination exploiting her image as a woman of the outdoors. But just look at the kinds of activities she engages in: Shooting wolves from a plane? Murdering meese? (I am referring to the accepted plural for moose in some quarters - not the former Attorney General). What the hell kind of an image is that? Quite frankly the woman comes off as a bit of a sociopath if you ask me.
Michael Palin, on the other hand, is a real outdoors man! He's a lumberjack and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. And while it is true that he might have some difficulty siphoning off the disgruntled Hillary Clinton voter given his gender, it should be remembered that he puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars. As he himself has said numerous times in various public forums going back to 1969, "I wish I'd been a girlie just like my dear papa."
The man is a natural.
Vote Silly In '08
You can expect the epidemic of religious extremism that has polluted the American political system during the last three decades to disappear under a Palin administration. Michael has made himself quite clear on the subject:
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
Michael Palin, 1969
Sure, it's kind of a vague statement but you can trust me on this one my fellow Americans; the man's heart is in the right place.
Believe me when I tell you that Michael Palin, unlike Sarah Palin, is our real future. And unlike Sarah, Michael has one very crucial thing going in his "favour" (that's how they spell it in merrie ol' England - what's up with that? ): At least we'll be able to take his candidacy seriously. Let's all sign up today! As luck would have it, I just happen to have the link to the site where you can register:
Register today and get a free fuzzy thing!
Unlike Democrats and Republicans, we proud and dedicated, members of the Silly Party make no pretense at being serious. You might say that our real genius is at being seriously silly. We represent truth, justice, righteousness, knickers, (sorry 'bout that) freedom and democracy. We can and will make a difference.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Around the World in Eighty Days
with Michael Palin
Michael Palin's Hemingway Adventures
The Complete Monty Python Collection
One night, in the mid 1980's, I received a phone call from my late father (he was still alive at the time, I promise). He informed me that he and my mother had been dining in the Rainbow Room, high atop the Rockefeller Center in New York City. Due to the size of the crowd, they had shared a table with a very nice man and his elderly mother. Dad told me that the man was a British comedian who was about to co-host the upcoming segment of Saturday Night Live. It was Michael Palin and his mum.