COUNT DOWN: TWENTY DAYS

You have thrown the worst fear

That can ever be hurled

Fear to bring children

Into the world

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Bob Dylan

Masters of War

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This is going to be the longest twenty days of our lives. In less than three weeks the most insanely corrupt and incompetent administration in the history of this once-great nation will be pulverized to dust. All that will be left of it will be the after effects which our great grandchildren - who will never even know our names - will still be dealing with generations from now. In an early posting on this site, I stated my belief that fifty years from today, the president of the United States, whomever he or she will be - who in all likelihood hasn't even been born yet - will still, on a daily basis, be dealing with the damage that this half-witted little frat boy did to his country so many decades before. Of this you may be absolutely certain: it will never again get as weird as it was under George W. Bush. Then again, I should probably keep my mouth shut. I said the exact same thing about Ronald Reagan when he left office twenty years ago. Never mind.

Beth Quinn was the ever so slightly liberal columnist for the Times Herald-Record, the paper that serves the Hudson Valley and Catskill Mountain regions of upstate New York (roughly an hour or so north of merrie old Manhattan). She is still very much alive, by the way. I only speak of her in the past tense because she is no longer with that paper. Earlier this year Rupert Murdoch's company purchased the Record and within a matter of weeks Beth, that paper's most popular and beloved columnist, was fired without cause or explanation. Although they were bombarded with letters to the editor protesting her dismissal (including one from yours truly) Rupert Murdoch's Times Herald-Wreckage refused to print a single one.

For the last few years of her column's existence, she would remind her readers precisely how many days were left until the Bush administration was out of power - gone but never to be forgotten. When she first started keeping track, the number was one-thousand plus. At the time of her firing in June, the number had dwindled down to just barely under two-hundred days. Last August I decided to take up the torch:

There are a mere twenty days until George W. Bush, this eternal embarrassment to the souls of Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln - this personification of the damage that has been done to America's international reputation - is out of our lives forever.

As the waning hours of the Bush administration tick mercifully away, the utter stupidity of the man still manages to astound. Just last week he issued a pardon for one Isaac Toussie, a man the New York Daily News referred to as "the poster boy for outrageous presidential pardons". Toussie was the instigator of a massive housing scam, the victims of which were mostly - you guessed it - Black people. His father, Robert Toussie (who wears the most ridiculously ill-fitting toupee I have ever seen on any human being) is a habitual, big time donor to the Republican Party. A few days after issuing the pardon, when the press and public exploded in outrage over the matter, the First Fool rescinded it. The fact that to do so is probably unconstitutional never even occurred to our jackass of a president....Just twenty days until it's all over. Hang in there, folks.

I don't envy President Obama. It's a fairly easy bet that ninety percent of the poor guy's time will be spent alleviating the damage that has been done in eight years by the Bush Mob. Another thing he'll be dealing with are the investigations, prosecutions and the inevitable partisan reverberations that will result. It has been said that Bush is not only planning a blanket pardon for everyone in his administration who "may or may not" have committed a crime, he is also planing to pardon himself! As was stated on this site a few weeks ago, the Founding Fathers did not give the president the power of the pardon so that he would be able to preside over a two term, criminal enterprise and then be able to walk away from the carnage via the outrageous maneuver of a self pardon. If that were the case, why didn't Andrew Johnson attempt as much when he was impeached for "high crimes and misdemeanors" in 1869? Why didn't Dick Nixon ever think of it? Or Rhodes Scholar, Bill Clinton? Because to have done so would have been dismissed as unconstitutional, that's why. As arrogant as Nixon was, he's got nothing on George W. Bush.

Our president is not just going to be able to slip away into quiet, taxpayer funded retirement. The next few years will see him fighting daily to avoid being sent away to federal prison for the rest of his miserable life. What I'd like to know is just how much evidence have they been able to destroy. I have no doubt that the shredders in the White House and the Executive Office Building have been working overtime since Election Day. The Obama Justice Department will have their work cut out for them, that's for sure. I can't imagine what a task it will be to sift through the remnants of what is undoubtedly one of the biggest organized crime operations in human history. That may sound like an extreme statement to many of you but time will prove me right. I am as convinced of that as I am my own name.

From the very first posting on this site, June 2, 2006:

"PREDICTION: George W. Bush will be remembered as the first (pray last) former chief executive to go to federal prison. Sound crazy? Stay tuned."

I stand by that statement.

As Lenny Bruce used to say, "There's gonna be a lot of dues, Jim!" A lot of dues indeed. It will take a long time - at least a decade - for the wheels of justice to reach their final destination. Given the fragile nature of his health and his slender grasp on the thread that connects him to the living, Dick Cheney will more than likely be able to escape the judgement that is his due. But I do believe that Bush - and the cabal of homicidal, sycophantic "Yes People" he has surrounded himself with all of his political life - will live to see the punishment they deserve for their crimes against humanity in general and the men, women and little children of Iraq in particular. And I'm gonna love every freaking minute of it, Buster! It really does give one something to look forward to.

Here's the good news: We still have a full twenty days of the madcap, accidental humor that Dubya has been providing us these eight, long years. It really has been a source of great entertainment, has it not? Let's be honest; if nothing else, George W. Bush will be remembered as the Buster Keaton of unintentional comedy. Think of all those wonderfully hilarious malapropisms:

"We've got to put food on our families."

"Brownie, you're doin' a heck of a job."

"Too many OBGYN's aren't able to practice their love with their patients."

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"Fool me once, shame on....Fool me....Won't get fooled again."

"I'm the decider."

"It would be better if this were a dictatorship, just so long as I'm the dictator."

"I'm a compassionate Conservative!"

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"They misunderestimated the compassion of our country."

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"I'm a reformer with results!"

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It really is hard to argue with that last one, isn't it? Results indeed! Who could have imagined during the campaign of 2000 just what those "results" would be? In terms of sheer, side-splitting stupidity-as-entertainment, it will never again get funnier than George Walker Bush. That much I can say with total confidence. The man should have a table named in his honor at Lindy's. Truth be told, I'm kind of going to miss the hideous little bastard when he's gone.

Happy new year, everyone!

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

SUGGESTED READING:

Bushwhacked: Life in George W. Bush's America
by Molly Ivins and Lou Dubois

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SUGGESTED LISTENING

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The Freewheenin' Bob Dylan

Columbia Records, 1962