Saturday, March 10, 2007

Richard B. Cheney 1941-2007


Back in the late summer of 1973, the Democrats in congress faced what can only be described as "an awkward dilemma". By that stage in the game it had become poignantly obvious that Richard M. Nixon was up to his ears in impeachable offences in connection to what Walter Cronkite was referring to as, "the Watergate Caper". The only problem was Spiro T. Agnew - "Ted", to his friends; the very man who put the "vice" in the vice-presidency. Agnew was such a contemptible political hack, no one wanted to even think of him sitting in the oval office - his inept and mediocre hands grasping the fragile reins of power. That very thought was enough to give even the hardiest of men the dry heaves. No, they would just have to learn to live with Tricky Dick until his term expired on January 20, 1977.

And then in the early autumn, something miraculous occurred: Agnew was busted, dead to rights, for having taken bribes and kickbacks while he was governor of Maryland in the late sixties - a practice that continued when he became VEEP. By the second week of October the pathetic bastard was forced to plead no contest to the charges and immediately resigned his office. From that moment on, Nixon's presidency was doomed. The following summer, having lost political support from his own party and facing certain impeachment in the House, Nixon resigned and was replaced by his successor, the far-more easy going (and sane) Gerald R. Ford.

The parallels between then and now, with respect to Dick Cheney, are impossible to avoid. To quote Joan Rivers: "Can we talk"???

First of all, the dread specter of a "President Cheney" shouldn't be as frightening a prospect as it might seem to the more timid of souls. For the last six years, the joke going around the Washington cocktail party circuit has been, "Bush is just a heartbeat away from the presidency." As far as foreign policy is concerned, it is obvious that the Dickster has been calling the shots from day one. Were Bush to be impeached tomorrow and Cheney installed as president of the United States, nothing would change. Nothing. But that argument is merely academic and should be relegated to history's might have beens. The reality is the simple and sad fact that Dick Cheney's days are numbered.

The Vice-President of the United States is a sick and dying man. Now just hear me out, people! If Bill Frist can diagnose Terri Schiavo's condition in Florida from his senate seat in Washington DC, then Tom Degan can diagnose Dick Cheney's condition in Washington DC from his apartment in Goshen, NY - Cut me some slack, Jack! And besides, I'm totally qualified to make such a diagnosis: my two brothers-in-law are Doctors and I once dated a nurse, thank you very much!

It is my expert opinion that Cheney will be the first vice-president since Garrett Hobart (William McKinley's VP) to die in office. Believe me, it gives me neither joy nor smug satisfaction to tell you this. The man is, after all, a human being....I think....But we have to look at the situation realistically and rationally: Cheney suffered several heart attacks in the 1970s when he was only in his thirties. It is widely believed that he suffered another one in November of 2000 while the election results were being fought out in Florida between Al Gore and the First Fool. The man is in his late sixties. Just think of the constant stress he must be under given the recent conviction of his former chief aide and confidant, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby! Everyone with half an ounce of common sense knows that Libby is the fall guy for the vice-president's misdeeds. Even a few of the viewers of FOX and Friends (just about the dumbest people on the planet) are starting to catch on! Will the madness never end?

Since the Libby conviction last week, our man Dick has become so radio-active that even Bush, who (let's face some serious facts here, campers) has always had a fairly high threshold for embarrassment, won't be seen in the same room with the guy! When you've gotten to the point in your life where you're perceived as being a humiliation to the likes of George W. Bush, you're really setting some new and exciting standards within the realms of failure and incompetence. Taking all of this criterion into consideration, given his precarious physical condition, and the unbearable stress he must be dealing with on a day to day basis - it's not just a mere possibility, it's almost assured:

Dick Cheney is going to drop dead any day now.

By this simple reasoning, the Democrats should have their plans for impeaching Bush in their top drawer, ready to be implemented at a moment's notice. And don't come back with the line that they don't have the votes to pull it off. By the end of the summer, the overwhelming majority of the American public will be demanding this disgusting president's removal from office.
.
In case you've forgotten, during the 2000 primary season, George W. Bush (at his father's recommendation) put Poppy's former Secretary of Defence, Richard B. Cheney, at the head of a committee to find the most suitable running mate for the campaign ahead. For the sake of historical accuracy, I have concocted here the dialogue that must have taken place:
**********
Cheney: GEORGE! I have found your ideal running mate!

Bush: Great! Who is it, Dick??

Cheney: You're not gonna believe it - IT's ME!!!

Bush: Whooa! What're the odds??
*********

Umm....my curiosity has gotten the best of me... but has it occurred to you yet what a fucking idiot our commander-in-chief is? Just wondering.


And what were the so-called "pundits" saying about Dick Cheney when he placed himself on the ticket in the summer of 2000? Oh, yeah! Now I remember! "The man has gravitas".

I need a drink

Pray for peace.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

12 Comments:

At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Wilma Lamb said...

Dear Tom,I am a retired licensed nurse and my dx is "Cheney is a vampire one of the living dead".
How else to explain the sinister look on his face and his survival against all odds.
Cheney is sucking the blood of the country not of humans
If Bush-Cheney are human beings they are a new breed of subhumans, hopefully not genetic to be passed on to their descendents

 
At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Cheney has died several times already and been brought back with 'pacemakers' and goodness knows what else. Look at that twisted face. It's enough to make me believe in damnation.

 
At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Wilma Lamb said...

Anonymous, all Cheney needs is horns, a tail and a pitchfork

 
At 11:57 PM, Anonymous LauraK said...

The world's only living heart transplant donor.

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger larkrise said...

Cheney would do this country an enormous favor by resigning. He has broken the law, touted torture, sold snakeoil by the barrel, and lies as easily as he snarls. He has done incalculable harm. Only the Neo-Con, far-right cabal and the fanatic, true believers still admire the man. His numbers are in the basement. The Republican Party Hacks in Congress continue to dance to his tune, but they will have to change the channel as 2008 draws nigh. If they don't, most will find themselves out of favor and out of office. Of course, that would be a good thing, since the Republican Party is full of BS and dry rot.Cheney is an insult to the human race. I have long lumped him together with Himmler and Goebbels. His arrogance and innate viciousness are astonishing. We have had more than enough of Darth Dick. I am amazed he still has blood left in him to form blood clots. His veins are filled with ice water, and he has no heart.

 
At 6:38 AM, Blogger sumo said...

Problem is...and one you haven't considered...that the evil, lying waste of human space will probably outlive us all. The good die young.

 
At 11:27 AM, Anonymous Charles Moore said...

Tom, I hope, I hope, I hope that you are right. Sorry folks, but I am not Christian enough to see Cheney as another human being and I honestly believe that the only way we will get him out of office is for him to drop dead, so the sooner the better for me. No matter how rough the going gets, Cheney will never voluntarily leave office and Bush lacks the testicles to fire him. I agree that Cheney must be under tremendous pressure, but he is just ruthless enough to keep going as long as possible and death is the only thing that will remove him from office.

 
At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Jo Reside said...

Dear Tom,

I don't think Cheney or Bush care about their polling (popularity) numbers. They had a neo-con agenda when they took office, and damn if they haven't achieved every bulleted item on the list.

I wonder if Cheney should drop dead (from your mouth to God's ears!), who would Bush select to replace him? I am sure it would be someone who had their eye on the Oval office- McCain? Guiliani? Would Rove play puppet master?

Side note: On NPR this morning they were discussing the fact that Halliburton is moving to Dubai. I instantly wondered what criminal charges they are running/hiding from? Bet Enrom execs wish they had run when they had the chance.
Rats and sinking ships come to mind.... or birds feathering nests.

Thanks for all you do to boost our morale, Tom.

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Lightfoot said...

Hello Tom,

I’m responding to a comment you made on Alternet.

It concerns impeachment. I am not sure it will happen since I beleive the agendas of both parties in so many other issues are one and the same. It wouldn't be in their interests.

In case you are not already aware of the Constitutional Convention under article V; this is a better and longer term way the American people can make the real and drastic changes to keep this Republic a democratically run country in the future. There is one organization already underway trying to do this. I posted something on this subject at my blog.

Cheers

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger fedupinnorth bay said...

Brovo Tom. and Bravo one and all of the posters to your article on Cheney.

 
At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

“When you've gotten to the point in your life where you're perceived as being a humiliation to the likes of George W. Bush, you're really setting some new and exciting standards within the realms of failure and incompetence.”
Tom, you brought tears to my eyes. I'm still laughing. I love your style. Ridicule kills! You're giving serious blows to the Bush-Cheney Junta. Thank you!

 
At 12:05 AM, Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

Thank you for the kind words! "Ridicule kills", indeed! That is the beautiful thing about the reign of error of the Bush Mob! When Clinton was in the White House, I considered myself lucky to get in two letters to the editor in a single year. In the age of Bush, these things write themselves! We do, indeed live in interesting times, do we not?

Remember what I tell you here: George W. Bush will die in federal prison. As God is my witness, it WILL happen. Trust me.

Love and Peace,
Tom Degan
Goshen, NY.

 

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