Richard B. Cheney 1941-2007

Back in the late summer of 1973, the Democrats in congress faced what can only be described as "an awkward dilemma". By that stage in the game it had become poignantly obvious that Richard M. Nixon was up to his ears in impeachable offences in connection to what Walter Cronkite was referring to as, "the Watergate Caper". The only problem was Spiro T. Agnew - "Ted", to his friends; the very man who put the "vice" in the vice-presidency. Agnew was such a contemptible political hack, no one wanted to even think of him sitting in the oval office - his inept and mediocre hands grasping the fragile reins of power. That very thought was enough to give even the hardiest of men the dry heaves. No, they would just have to learn to live with Tricky Dick until his term expired on January 20, 1977.

And then in the early autumn, something miraculous occurred: Agnew was busted, dead to rights, for having taken bribes and kickbacks while he was governor of Maryland in the late sixties - a practice that continued when he became VEEP. By the second week of October the pathetic bastard was forced to plead no contest to the charges and immediately resigned his office. From that moment on, Nixon's presidency was doomed. The following summer, having lost political support from his own party and facing certain impeachment in the House, Nixon resigned and was replaced by his successor, the far-more easy going (and sane) Gerald R. Ford.

The parallels between then and now, with respect to Dick Cheney, are impossible to avoid. To quote Joan Rivers: "Can we talk"???

First of all, the dread specter of a "President Cheney" shouldn't be as frightening a prospect as it might seem to the more timid of souls. For the last six years, the joke going around the Washington cocktail party circuit has been, "Bush is just a heartbeat away from the presidency." As far as foreign policy is concerned, it is obvious that the Dickster has been calling the shots from day one. Were Bush to be impeached tomorrow and Cheney installed as president of the United States, nothing would change. Nothing. But that argument is merely academic and should be relegated to history's might have beens. The reality is the simple and sad fact that Dick Cheney's days are numbered.

The Vice-President of the United States is a sick and dying man. Now just hear me out, people! If Bill Frist can diagnose Terri Schiavo's condition in Florida from his senate seat in Washington DC, then Tom Degan can diagnose Dick Cheney's condition in Washington DC from his apartment in Goshen, NY - Cut me some slack, Jack! And besides, I'm totally qualified to make such a diagnosis: my two brothers-in-law are Doctors and I once dated a nurse, thank you very much!

It is my expert opinion that Cheney will be the first vice-president since Garrett Hobart (William McKinley's VP) to die in office. Believe me, it gives me neither joy nor smug satisfaction to tell you this. The man is, after all, a human being....I think....But we have to look at the situation realistically and rationally: Cheney suffered several heart attacks in the 1970s when he was only in his thirties. It is widely believed that he suffered another one in November of 2000 while the election results were being fought out in Florida between Al Gore and the First Fool. The man is in his late sixties. Just think of the constant stress he must be under given the recent conviction of his former chief aide and confidant, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby! Everyone with half an ounce of common sense knows that Libby is the fall guy for the vice-president's misdeeds. Even a few of the viewers of FOX and Friends (just about the dumbest people on the planet) are starting to catch on! Will the madness never end?

Since the Libby conviction last week, our man Dick has become so radio-active that even Bush, who (let's face some serious facts here, campers) has always had a fairly high threshold for embarrassment, won't be seen in the same room with the guy! When you've gotten to the point in your life where you're perceived as being a humiliation to the likes of George W. Bush, you're really setting some new and exciting standards within the realms of failure and incompetence. Taking all of this criterion into consideration, given his precarious physical condition, and the unbearable stress he must be dealing with on a day to day basis - it's not just a mere possibility, it's almost assured:

Dick Cheney is going to drop dead any day now.

By this simple reasoning, the Democrats should have their plans for impeaching Bush in their top drawer, ready to be implemented at a moment's notice. And don't come back with the line that they don't have the votes to pull it off. By the end of the summer, the overwhelming majority of the American public will be demanding this disgusting president's removal from office.
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In case you've forgotten, during the 2000 primary season, George W. Bush (at his father's recommendation) put Poppy's former Secretary of Defence, Richard B. Cheney, at the head of a committee to find the most suitable running mate for the campaign ahead. For the sake of historical accuracy, I have concocted here the dialogue that must have taken place:
**********
Cheney: GEORGE! I have found your ideal running mate!

Bush: Great! Who is it, Dick??

Cheney: You're not gonna believe it - IT's ME!!!

Bush: Whooa! What're the odds??
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Umm....my curiosity has gotten the best of me... but has it occurred to you yet what a fucking idiot our commander-in-chief is? Just wondering.

And what were the so-called "pundits" saying about Dick Cheney when he placed himself on the ticket in the summer of 2000? Oh, yeah! Now I remember! "The man has gravitas".

I need a drink

Pray for peace.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
tomdegan@frontiernet.net