Monday, June 29, 2020

Memo to the Stones:


 
Dear, Ron, Mick, Keith and Charlie....Hi, guys!
 
Brian Jones
1942-1969
I understand that the four of you were not too happy to hear that the Donald Trump campaign has been using your recorded music at his campaign events. I hear you. To tell you the truth, I wasn't so happy about it myself. I imagine that Mick Taylor and Bill Wyman aren't grinning from ear to ear over this news either. Come to think about it, it's not too difficult to believe that, beyond that mysterious and unknowable void, your old mate Brian Jones is royally pissed off as well. When I tuned in for the festivities in Oklahoma and Arizona last week, I was dismayed to hear that the gnarled old freak was using You Can't Always Get What You Want and She's A Rainbow as the soundtrack to these disgusting events - particularly She's A Rainbow! That song has quite a sentimental attachment for me. Not only was it the first 45 RPM I ever purchased with my own money, I still believe it to be one of the best records ever made.
 
I understand that your legal representatives have issued a cease and desist order to the Trump Mob. I  hate to be the one to break the bad news to you, but that's not going to work. To be honest with you, I'm a little disappointed in you fellows for showing such naiveté. Do you not understand that Donald Trump has, for his entire life, placed himself above the law? Your army of high priced lawyers do not mean a thing to him. You can probably take him to court but that won't work either. I'm sure you've heard that the United States Department of Justice and a lot of the court system have been stacked in the old geezer's favor...."favour"....Sorry, I forgot for a second that you're an English band.   
 
Nope, there's no way in hell that you'll be able to prevent these silly bastards and bitches from blaring your unforgettable recordings from their loudspeakers at these rallies - no way in Heaven or on Earth. You might as well learn to live with the fact that your records will remain the audio backdrop to Trump's Lethal and Twisted Roadshow from now until Election Day and possibly beyond. There's nothing you can do about it. Nothing.
 
Well, on second thought, there is one thing you can do....
 
It's time to make another record - not an album, mind you, just a single. It doesn't even need to be a two-sided single when you put it out on vinyl. Just repeat the song on both sides of the record. And while I would never presume to write lyrics for The Rolling Stones, I do have the perfect title for the recording if you'll be willing to indulge me:
 
"FUCK TRUMP!"
 
Catchy title, ay? I rather like it myself.

Believe me, gents, if you record that tune it will go through the roof! You will reveal your undeniable talents to an entire new generation of fans, and you can donate part of the proceeds to a good cause - Black Lives Matter for instance. You will once again establish that the Rolling Freakin' Stones are the baddest of the badasses, and that there's no one who comes within a thousand miles  of that unprecedented badassness! This is something that can be easily done in a relatively short period of time. You might recall that your late friend John Lennon wrote, recorded and released his classic Instant Karma in less than a week. You will be able to do the same with the soon-to-be-classic, "FUCK TRUMP!"

And the sweet icing on the cake is the fact that, after this record is released, Donald Trump won't go anywhere near a Stones recording for the for the rest of his miserable life! This is what is known as a win/win proposal!

So there you go, guys. Please get back to work and produce this thing. This horrible man who has been spreading this horrible virus needs to be put in his place - firmly and permanently. A grateful world awaits.

Your biggest fan,

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY

SUGGESTED LISTENING:

She's A Rainbow
by The Rolling Stones

Here's a chance to listen to a rare mono mix of the first record I ever purchased when I was nine-years-old. This is the format I was introduced to it in - glorious, living mono!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gCYFfTHtkY

Rock on, Ron, Mick, Keith and Charlie!


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