The G.O.Pizza Party

Did you see it? It was beyond pathetic - it was dark comedy at its finest. Kurt Vonnegut might have written it! There they were - Eric Cantor, Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush - holding some kind of town meeting - at a pizza parlor. They made much of the fact that they were able to crowd almost fifty people into the place. Smart move. They probably realized that they would not be able to get much more than that number into an average sized auditorium. Romney was actually comparing the Republicans to the American revolutionaries of the eighteenth century. He also said that the Democrats were more like the English monarchy that ruled during that era. As he was making these incredibly stupid statements, he was sitting next to a man who was the son of one president, the brother of another - and the descendant of still another (Franklin Pierce). I think poor old Mitt's irony meter needs some adjusting.

It was yet another silly attempt to remake the image of the GOP and it didn't work. No one is buying their product anymore. It reminded me of an electronics dealer who used to operate here where I live in Goshen, NY. Well into the 1980's, years after they were rendered hopelessly obsolete, this clown was still selling 8-track tape machines - or trying to sell them anyway. I always felt sorry for the poor guy. Although I was very much involved in audio and radio production at the time, he sold absolutely nothing which suited my purposes. So out of touch was he with the times in which he lived, he eventually went out of business. Come to think of it, that is exactly what is happening at this very moment to the Republican party.

While this silly nonevent was transpiring, the life of Jack Kemp, one of America's last remaining conservative visionaries, was ebbing away. It was sad, symbolic and ironic all at the same time. Kemp, like Arlen Specter, was a right-of-center moderate who was viewed by many Republicans in the House and Senate as a Pravda-reading, Castro-loving lefty. He also understood something which every single one of his Republican colleagues could never figure out: the importance of bridging the gap that has existed in this country for centuries between blacks and whites. Jack Kemp knew that it was the single most important issue facing the American people. This morning, one less, clear thinking and decent conservative politician walks among us.

And what was the purpose of this so-called "Pizza Party" you may well ask? No one, thus far, has been able to quite figure that out. It made about as much sense as those moronic "Tea Bag Protests" of last month - just another mindless publicity stunt. They spent a great deal of time preaching the ideas of the Republican party without being able to define just what those ideas were. That has been pretty much the case with all of their public venues as of late. Whenever a relevant question has managed to cut through the spin, smoke and mirrors, their responses tend to be of the "dog ate my homework" variety - amusing to say the least. The fact is, they have no good answers to the questions we might put to them at any given time:

Us: "Now, about the economy...."

Them: "We have a plan."

Us: "Umm, right, you have a plan - got'cha. Explain your plan."

Them: "We have a plan."

Us: "And just what would your plan entail?"

Them: "We have a plan."

Us: "Wait! This plan of yours doesn't even have any numbers!"

Them: "We have a plan."

Us: "Do you even have a clue as to what you're talking about?"

Them: "We have a plan."

Us: "Do you really think you'll be able to get away with this?"

Them: "We have a plan!"

You get the idea - or lack thereof. What they are doing is tying a pair of antlers to a pig and calling it an elk. This is beyond humorous; this is screamingly funny! The Snake Oil salesman will only be able to sell his worthless nerve tonic for so long before the people catch on to the scam. When that happens he'll merely relabel the bottle to read, "CLEANING FLUID". The American people have been swallowing that worthless Right Wing Elixir for nearly thirty years and it hasn't cured their ills - in fact it has only made them sicker. Doctors Canter, Romney and Bush are desperately trying to change the bottle's label. Unfortunately for them, the people have gotten wise to the swindle and are no longer buying the product.

"Stop claiming you have 'an agenda.' It's not an agenda; it's a random collection of laws that your corporate donors paid you to pass."

Bill Maher

Not only that, you should stop claiming that you're the "party of ideas". No one believes that anymore. You don't even believe it anymore! You are the purveyors of an obsolete ideology. And while we're on the subject, will you people please cease and desist from using the name of Jesus Christ as proof of your so-called moral superiority over the rest of us? While I can never claim to be a religious scholar, my Catholic school upbringing has given me, at the very least, a remedial understanding of what Jesus was (and is) all about. When He said, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth", I have a funny feeling He wasn't talking about Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter - or Canter, Romney and Bush. Enough already, alright?

"What we have here is a failure to communicate"

Struther Martin
from the film, Cool Hand Luke

It is not really a question of failing to communicate. After all, the patron saint of that party was called "the great communicator". The problem is the fact that for so long they were able to communicate a whole range of perfectly screwy ideas that the electorate (for reasons I'm still trying to figure out) took seriously. While the notion of a "trickle down" economy might have looked fine and dandy to many in 1980, twenty-nine years later the people are no longer swallowing the snake oil. The (Republican) party's over. The piper must be paid.

This would appear to be the end of the line for the loony right wing, and maybe even the Grand Old Party itself. The "moderate wing" will not be able to save it this time for the simple reason that the moderate wing no longer even exists! Arlen Specter and Jim Jeffords are now Democrats; Jack Kemp and Barry Goldwater are dead (And yes, they have moved so far to the extreme right, historical hindsight now views Goldwater, "Mr. Conservative", as a centrist). As someone recently remarked, "That's not a political party; that's a cult".

While I couldn't be happier over the complete destruction of what used to be known as "the party of Lincoln", my utter joy is tempered by the knowledge that one party rule can ultimately lead to disaster. Will absolute power corrupt the Democrats? Absolutely.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
tomdegan@frontiernet.net

SUGGESTED READING:

New Rules
by Bill Maher