The Bat-Shit Report

 

Has anybody there seen my old friend John John?

The answer to that question is, no. Nobody there saw John John - or his dad, for that matter. Both have shuffled off this mortal coil.

I don't know whether to fall on the floor laughing or to be seriously alarmed by what happened two days ago at Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas. Some of the more noted and visible Qanon proponents within the internet put out the word that John F. Kennedy, Jr. faked his own death twenty-two years ago and that he (and, I assume, his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette) are still alive and well; and that he (and his father, JFK, Sr.,) would be making an appearance this week at the sight of JFK's (alleged) assassination nearly fifty-eight years ago. They also announced that not only were both men planning on endorsing Trump's 2024 campaign on that day, but that Junior was planning on running second on the ticket with the former president. Vice President John John. Ain't that something? Strange days indeed. Most peculiar, Mama!

When Jack and John Jr. failed to show up at the appointed time, it was announced by some of the Qanon folks that the two of them would appear later on that night at a Rolling Stnes concert. Hopefully they would be bringing Charlie Watts and Brian Jones with them. Apparently, the four of them had other plans for the evening. No show again. Bummer.

Astonishingly, several hundred people turned up at the base of the old Texas School Book Depository to witness the anticipated event. As Jimmy Page (or was it Robert Plant?) once wrote:

"And it makes me wonder."

And speaking of wondering, I wonder if any of these knuckleheads bothered to do a simple bit of arithmetic: John F. Kennedy Sr. would be one-hundred and four years old if he were alive today. Geniuses. 

"Gym" Jordan

The fact that every one of the morons who showed up at this non-happening plan on voting in three years should scare the hell out of you. I know that it worries me - but only slightly. Monitoring and recording the political craziness of 2021 America has become a beloved hobby of mine. The more unintentionally funny America's political conversation becomes with the passing of each week, the more interesting my life gets. Joe McCarthy died a year and three months before I was born. Ted Cruz and Jim Jordan are two of the most disgusting politicians that have come down the pike in my lifetime - and yet I'm sure gonna miss 'em when they're gone. I cannot even imagine my life without either of those assholes. I'm almost kind of sorry that I missed Joe McCarthy. Seriously.

As implied in the title of this piece, the conservative movement in this country has gone bat-shit crazy. That is not meant to say that everyone who leans to the right is bonkers, but that they do themselves (and their party) irreparable damage by turning a blind eye to the antics of Trump's MAGA base. Unfortunately, there are only a small handful of conservatives out there in the public arena with the courage to point out the damage that the MAGA-maniacs are doing to this country. Liz Cheney, Steve Schmitt and Joe Scarborough come immediately to mind. God bless them.

Did you ever get the feeling that you were living in the middle of an incredibly dark Paddy Chayefsky script? The next three years promise to get really interesting. Fasten your seat belts, boys and girls. This is gonna be weird.

Tom Degan

Goshen, NY

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"Do you remember? Remember?? THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER???"

John Lennon